First rule of the field is never to use your real names, so my cellphone contacts are nicknamed after Disney characters. I’ve got soundbites from their relevant movies as their text notifications (ringtones are a whole other thing!).

• Damian is Simbaaaaaaaaa (“REMEMBER WHO YOU AAAAARE.”)
• Dick’s Tigger (“His bottom is made out of springs!”)
• Jason is Aladdin (“Rifraff. Street rat! I don’t buy that. If only they’d look closerrrr. Would they see a poor boy? No sirree.”)
• Cassandra is Ping (“Did they send me daughters, when I asked for soooons?”)
• Tim is Snow White (“Skin white as snow, lips red as blood, and hair black as ebony.”)
• Kara is Princess Aurora (“Well, I’m really not supposed to speak to strangers, but we’ve met before.”)
• Babs is Maid Marian (“Oh, Robin, what a beautiful night.”)
• and Bruce is, of course, Mufasaaaaaaaaaa (“YOU DELIBERATELY DISOBEYED ME!”)